hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
