I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
