I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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