If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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