We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
