hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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