I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
