Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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