I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
