I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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