I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
