I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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