I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize