FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
