I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
