they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
