RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
