I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
