fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
