she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
