Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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