I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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