I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
