last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize