we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
