I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
