HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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