Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
