i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
