He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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