Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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