my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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