Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
