i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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