Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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