Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
