Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
