apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
