Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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