Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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