I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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