great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
