he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
