Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Less talking, more tequila
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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