She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
