can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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