i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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