I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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