I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
