Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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