Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
this hospital has no fireball
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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