Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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