so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
