I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize