just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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