I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
