I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
