Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
