I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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