So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
