Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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