why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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